Honestly the biggest change I have made in my life was to finally end an 11 year abusive relationship. I can honestly say it was something I chose to do, however it was not a very easy choice. I had been made to believe that I deserved and could do no better than were I was. The final straw that broke me was when my (then 7 year old) son got mad at me one day and punched me in the face. When confronted with the question WHY did you do that, he said "well mommy isn't that something daddy does when he gets mad at you?" I knew then it was time to get out of the situation.
Leaving him was the hardest thing I had ever had to do, but realizing that my kids were learning to shadow their father was a worse feeling than that. Leaving him made me feel at first as if I were helpless and that he had won. I had the the feeling of being alone (were I had him in my life for so long), regret form taking my children's dad away from them and also fear that I couldn't make it on my own with 2 small children.
Slowly I learned to handle the being alone apart, it wasn't so bad just the boys and mommy taking on the world. I also learned that I did not need a man in my life that the boys and I would be just fine (and we have been). The regret is still there to this day but its not on me, that lays on his shoulders.
Oh,my,tear,tear. I had the same shock slam me in the face the day I called 911 and had my kids' father arrested for picking me up by my throat and carrying me that way across the living room in front of all 3 kids. When my daughter talked to my cousin on the phone,she asked my cousin "But doesn't Lloyd do that to you when you all fight?" She thought that behavior was actually normal! Now she knows differently,but boy,wouldn't I do anything to take back all the evil things my children had to learn at their innocent ages. At least we are both out of the situations. And that says a lot,because that in itself teaching our children that it is NOT ok to treat others the way we were treated,and that no,we will NOT put up with it any more,ever. We won't go back to that. I like the quote you chose too.
ReplyDeleteWow, Sheila this made me cry I never been abused but been through it emotionally was a rough road to find out. You have became a strong single mother for your boys an i'm sure when they get older, they will praise you for it. You are a strong woman to get out of that type of relationship after taking it for so long.
ReplyDelete@ Danny, I feel for you and your kids for having to go through that. I know myself what emotional and mental damage this can not only cause "us" but first hand what the struggles are children have to face when having to deal with it. MelMom abuse be it physical, mentaly or emotionally, they all hurt the same in a way. For anyone to have to suffer any of them is painful in itself. Thank you also I feel that I have become stronger not only for myself but to prove to my children that it is possiable to move out of a "sticky" situation as my oldest calls it. You youself and Danny as well are also very strong to have been able to move on and focus on the well being of you and your children.
ReplyDeleteOk I'm tellin you girls "WE ARE ALL GOING TO BE OK" Sheila just remember you are out of all that and in a better place keep doing what your going. Everything will get better the more we live. We miss ya here.
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