As the holidays get closer I find myself in a bitter/sweet mood.....I enjoy the seeing of family and friends you dont see often but its hard because my family is torn. My 2 oldest have spent the last 3 Thanksgivings with their dad. As our court agreement he gets them on the even years and I get them on the odd years for every holiday other than Christmas. Then it switches to I have them Christmas Eve and he has them Christmas Day. I have bit my tounge the last few years due to the fact that they go to their grandfathers just as they have since they were born however it would be nice if for once I could confince them that they have a family here who they need to start spending holidays with. It may sound selfish but I want to stay up all night watching the turkey, get up early and start making everything that goes with it for them. I want to not have to rush Christmas Eve and do all the visiting and things that need done just so their dad can call and say hey can they come tonight so we dont have to get up so early!!! (I guess now I am just ranting) It would be nice to be able to get up Christmas morning and have all 3 of my boys together to open presents instead of Baby Zane having to be alone under the tree!! I would never take seeing the boys away from their grandfather because he dosent see them often but I do think that times of pick up are going to change!!! I want them to be happy and go as they have always done but Zane and I both deserve to have them here with us on Christmas as well.  Sorry for my little rant session lol but thats part of what this is for right :)