As the holidays get closer I find myself in a bitter/sweet mood.....I enjoy the seeing of family and friends you dont see often but its hard because my family is torn. My 2 oldest have spent the last 3 Thanksgivings with their dad. As our court agreement he gets them on the even years and I get them on the odd years for every holiday other than Christmas. Then it switches to I have them Christmas Eve and he has them Christmas Day. I have bit my tounge the last few years due to the fact that they go to their grandfathers just as they have since they were born however it would be nice if for once I could confince them that they have a family here who they need to start spending holidays with. It may sound selfish but I want to stay up all night watching the turkey, get up early and start making everything that goes with it for them. I want to not have to rush Christmas Eve and do all the visiting and things that need done just so their dad can call and say hey can they come tonight so we dont have to get up so early!!! (I guess now I am just ranting) It would be nice to be able to get up Christmas morning and have all 3 of my boys together to open presents instead of Baby Zane having to be alone under the tree!! I would never take seeing the boys away from their grandfather because he dosent see them often but I do think that times of pick up are going to change!!! I want them to be happy and go as they have always done but Zane and I both deserve to have them here with us on Christmas as well.  Sorry for my little rant session lol but thats part of what this is for right :)

NO.....I'M NOT PERFECT!!!!

Ok after fighting long and hard with myself about wether or not to post this I have decided to go ahead and post!!! I admit here and now YES I have had problems with drugs in my PAST!!!! Roumers have been going around that I still do and that I need to be watched because of certin company I keep!!! Yes I still talk to and am really good friends with a few people but we all have stopped BECAUSE WE RELIZED there are more important things in life the any "high" we had or could ever have!!! I am sure that at least 97% of you out there have tried one thing or another so it is no ones nevermind to judge me or my friends!!! Look in the mirror  and be at one with yourself before you go throwing my name or the names of my friends out of your judgemental mouth!!! I will say this I hope that your life is perfect because even though I have done A LOT of wrong in my life I realized and do not judge others nor do I go spreding or talking about anyone!! There is only one that can judge me and I am willing to take that judgement........are you however?? You may go and talk all your talk that you wish AS LONG AS ITS TRUTH (as in telling my husband about me cheating) Yes I have and it is not your place to judge me there either!!! I am however glad that you have done this I knew it was wrong and we have since talked about it and are trying to work things out......but NEWSFLASH I cheated ONCE not TWICE get your facts stright!!! So to whom ever you may be, No I'm Not Perfect......Nor would I ever claim to be but Hello hunnie I'm sure you have your flaws as well maybe not as bad.....hell maybe worse I really dont give a shit BUT know this your not gonna bring me down Im not worried cause I can admit to my mistakes and own up to them......can you? At least I wont judge you or drag you through the mud  as you have me!!! Im gonna keep my head on stright and held high because I know in the end no one is perfect. Yes I had to wait till I got caught to come clean but hell who wouldnt however I never denied it!  Not that it was right but we are all human just some mistakes are worse than others! Just remember dont judge others because it will come back to you and BITE YOU!!! So I hope whoever you are you are happy and content with yourself just know you will be the one judged in the end!!!!

Sheila Renee :)

No Regrets!

I was asked a question last night....What do you regret most? Simple as this I have made mistakes, Im never gonna be perfect nor would I want to be! I love my imperfections I love being me! I have no regrets for anything Ive done or anyone who has walked in and out of my life for that matter. Every person who has been in my life has taught me somthing and I cant thank them enough because it has made who I am today. You should never say "I regret" simply because at one point in your life thats what YOU wanted....what you chose to do! Im simply me...No regrets, no looking back....No wondering why!

With my daddy's Birthday coming up on Friday May 18th I have been thinking of him quite a bit. (to be honest hes always right there on my shoulder) I have been thinking though of what he would think of how I have been living my life....Would it be something he would approve of? What kinda looks or lectures he would be giving me? What would he say about me wanting to divorce the ONE man he would have EVER approved of? Well this is to you daddy......I have decided to work on things with David, he has stopped drinking and has a very good job now!!! Your grand babies are growing so fast and I see a lil of you in EACH of them. I know you are looking down on us and watching EVERYTHING we do :) lol however what I wouldn't give for you to be able just to hold them in your arms and let them be able to know you as I do. Love and Miss you always daddy your baby girl!!!

My mother Hilda Carter wrote this upon your passing and I want to share it with you and I guess everyone now:

IN LOVING MEMORY
Thomas M. Dobbins
May 18th 1937-Feb 23rd 2003

Here he was in West Virginia
An auctioneer by trade
With his loving wife and children
To share the life he made.

He traveled different places
To estate sales and the like
And people had a good time
When he stepped up to the mic.

But health has a way of changing
The life we always knew
And his began to hinder
All the things he liked to do.

Yet now his pain is over
He's in a better land
For today that man was laid to rest
With his gavel in his hands.

written by Hilda D. Carter

Changes

Changes, we all have to make them at one point and time. This blog is about the biggest change that we have made in our lives and if it was something we chose to do, how it made us feel and how we handled it.

Honestly the biggest change I have made in my life was to finally end an 11 year abusive relationship. I can honestly say it was something I chose to do, however it was not a very easy choice. I had been made to believe that I deserved and could do no better than were I was. The final straw that broke me was when my (then 7 year old) son got mad at me one day and punched me in the face. When confronted with the question WHY did you do that, he said "well mommy isn't that something daddy does when he gets mad at you?" I knew then it was time to get out of the situation.

Leaving him was the hardest thing I had ever had to do, but realizing that my kids were learning to shadow their father was a worse feeling than that. Leaving him made me feel at first as if I were helpless and that he had won. I had the the feeling of being alone (were I had him in my life for so long), regret form taking my children's dad away from them and also fear that I couldn't make it on my own with 2 small children.


Slowly I learned to handle the being alone apart, it wasn't so bad just the boys and mommy taking on the world. I also learned that I did not need a man in my life that the boys and I would be just fine (and we have been). The regret is still there to this day but its not on me, that lays on his shoulders.

Quote

 "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."

This blog was a little harder for me. Since I was a little girl my daddy always made sure to say "Life your life to the fullest baby and take nothing in it for granted". I have searched for something similar to that and James Deans quote "Dream as if you'll live forever and Live as if you'll die today" is the closest I can find but if you think about it, it is kinda around about the same. I have kinda always been a little afraid to take that step out there and be on my own well that was until my dad past away. I then realized that life's to short to be afraid to live. Tomorrow is not promised so make the best of today, make that call to your dad whom you had a falling out with and tell him you love him. Get down in the mud and play with your kids, take that extra step to do the things you want to do before your time ends. I had taking so much for granted because I always thought it would be there, Always thought there would be "more" time, but one day you can wake up and that time is gone.

I AM

I Am

I am shy and outspoken
I wonder what you honestly think
I hear your song in my head
I see your face when I look in the clouds
I want to watch my boys take on the world
I am shy and outspoken

I pretend to be stronger than you
I feel the strength of his words
I touch the rays of sun shining down
I worry im not the best I can be
I cry at the thought of loosing control
I am shy and outspoken

I understand life takes unexpected turns
I say live life to the fullest and take nothing for granted
I dream seeing my dad again
I try to be the mom my kids deserve
I hope my kids succeed in all they do
I am shy and outspoken